Last Chance Highway
by As Clear As Black
Summary: As Jacob's bitter attitude drives everyone in his life away, Leah Clearwater isn't easily swayed. But when Jacob finally snaps, it sends Leah running with a broken heart some thousand miles away only to be confronted by a choice to save her life or his.
1. Some Kind Of Preface

_When we're torn apart, shattered and scarred, love has the grace to save us.  
We're just two tarnished hearts, but in each others arms, we become saints and angels._

I once remembered thinking I was practically invincible. Years of stupidity and near death experiences eventually made me wonder why I never felt like a normal part of society. The events leading to that day would eventually change my life forever and opened my eyes to the promise I couldn't have been more wrong for breaking.

When I stared death in the face, I knew a part of me had been lost forever. The kid everyone knew as Jacob Black, was now a seven foot nothing monster who destroyed things that shouldn't exist. It wasn't something I was ready to accept, and now without feeling like a normal sixteen year old guy, I was on the verge of depression. Even though I had never been alone to begin with, something sparked, starting a fire inside me which burned to the edge of my darkest desire.

Feelings of regret and remorse toward me were also instilled in everyone else who dared to get close enough to know me. Why did I have to feel so guilty for doing this when it was what I'd longed for from the beginning?

I wanted them to suffer with me, although I was never satisfied long with anything once I'd gotten it.

Of course, I didn't want to remember the girl I once hated and loved at the same time. This was the same girl with a permanent scowl, pushing the word unattractive to new levels, but she was the one I would have done anything for.

It had taken some time to finally accept I could no longer change something that had happened to someone else, and she'd been the reason I hadn't committed suicide after the fact.

After the fact, I cried for a couple of days and then slowly started to change into someone I didn't recognize anymore. Pushing her out of my life was the only way I could tell her I wanted to be with alone. Yes, it was stupid and things became much worse when she stopped trying to help me altogether, but I wouldn't let her see how much it broke my heart.

Not in my right mind, I destroyed the things that meant the most to me and broke my father's heart. I even went as far as taking a knife to my wrists and kept cutting the tender flesh until the bitter brink of failed disappointment. I healed faster than I could make the next slice and it annoyed me, pushing me to drive the blade into my arm faster without successful results.

During my rampage, my violence effected my family and friends too. They no longer wanted to be around me until I got some real help.

I had only two words to say: fuck that.

Masking my true self into a different beast not known to any man, I was determined to make everyone around hate me. I had even hurt Leah so badly one morning with my words and a wrong course of action, she'd decided to run as far away as four legs would carry her, not looking back.

I chased her down almost a thousand miles away from La Push just as something terrible caught the two of us in the exact same place at the wrong time. The choice only took her one second to make, and no matter how much I cried out and blamed everyone but myself for things entirely out of reach, she was gone and nothing I could do would bring her back.

It was a moment of intense tension, which brought me to where I am now.

Blood ran down the side of my neck, tickling the skin on my chest as gravity pulled it toward the ground. I turned to face the stream of crimson red as it steadily flowed from an unseen place, probably at the back of my skull.

I followed the curving course carefully with my eyes, watching it journey to my abdomen. Lifting my hand and pressing it against my body, I stopped the too eager trail with my index finger. Swiping my hand upward, I brought it to my face and examined the glossy fluid.

Leah's motionless body laid before me, covered in dust, dirt, blood, and more blood. She wasn't moving or breathing, but I wasn't ready to accept what I'd done.

It was because of my selfish action Leah had gotten what I'd longed for, for months—death.

I'd had a chance to save her, but she'd chosen to save me instead. Her sacrifice was a total act of selflessness, but what she'd done made me angry. I was going to tell her everything I thought about her before any of this had taken place.

It wasn't fair. She deserved to know I loved her.

Red was the color of blood once it started to pour from her veins. Blood was the price of love Leah Clearwater was forced to pay in order to save my excuse for a life in the end.

But what did I know about love when hate was the only thing I could feel?


	2. If You Look Up Bitch, You'll Find Bella

_I thought I saw a sign somewhere between the lines.  
__Maybe it's me because I only see what I want.  
__I still have your letter, but I just got caught between someone I just invented, who I really am, and who I've become._

One of those most painful experiences in my life was having my still-beating heart ripped right out of my chest and handed back to me. You truly never live until you live without a heart.

It was a normal day just like any other. I did my usual fawning over Bella Swan only to have her reject me, but I soon found out the situation was far worse than I'd imagined. She was going to marry the scum of the Earth, and his name was Edward Cocksucker.

After getting my ass kicked by a newborn vampire, thanks to the brave actions of Leo Cheesewater—fucking bitch—I was pretty much a helpless sack of shit for three days.

Not only did I spit profanities at everyone who tried to help me, but I was also cursing at Leah for being a glory whore. She, of course, stood annoyingly by my bedside and took it, probably as an order by Samantha Ufucks.

I groveled in pain for a fabulous thirty minutes while being pumped full of ineffective medication by Doctor Carcunt, another useless member of the bloodsucking Cullen family. The morphine overdose he filled me with, sent my body into shock and raised my temperature into the one twenties. I couldn't breath, sleep, eat, or take a shit, which sucked harder cock than Bella did to earn her immortality from Edweird. I could picture something disgusting like that happening. The images were both disturbing and hilarious, which created a mixed feeling I couldn't decide if I liked or not.

When the drama finally died down over my injuries and Bella, the attention slut didn't come back to see me, I had to face the miserable truth: I was never going to get laid.

Turning into a snarky, self-consumed bastard who didn't want anyone's sympathy or their unhelpful advice was the only way I could stop from killing Bella myself. She was going to marry the leech who promised to kiss her ass every moment of forever and I was almost jealous.

By this point, I felt like I was at the bitter brink of snapping into a raging fit of torturous suicide, but decided it was probably what everyone wanted from me anyway. There was no way I would allow them to have any satisfaction over my death, so I was determined to make anyone's life miserable who invaded my personal space.

"Jacob?" Leah's manly voice called from the hallway.

"Go away, bitch," I mumbled, ripping my alarm clock out of the wall and pitching it at the door, wishing it was her face instead.

"I'll try again tomorrow," she said reluctantly.

I rolled my eyes and scoffed. "Don't bother!"

She did this for the next several days and the results were always the same. Did she need me to shake her like a rag doll before she came to her senses?

I popped a piece of shitastic candy into my mouth and began humming the words to a Slipknot song. Damn, I was really getting morbid by the minute.

Closing my eyes, I envisioned smacking some sense back into me. That thought soon faded when I realized I would probably be hurting myself more than doing any actual good, but I'd take the pain willingly anyway.

The truth was, I really wanted to hurt someone. Did that necessarily make me violent offender? (That was rhetorical, if you actually just answered.)

My hands would wrap so tightly around Leah's throat as she gasped for air, kicking me in all the wrong places at the same time. I wouldn't let her go until she finally passed out from lack of oxygen. Then, I'd take her lifeless body and throw it into a tub of cold water, instantly waking her up. I would kiss her hard on the mouth and demand that she make love to me.

I don't understand why that actually turned me on, but something inside of me was _not_ working properly.

It was hard enough I had to deal with the daily struggles of moving on and accepting that Bella Swan was no longer a part of me. It hurt in every way someone could imagine, and sometimes when I didn't want to admit these things, I used my vile thoughts as an excuse not to hold on to reality anymore. Nothing was harder than having to face something you knew would eventually kill you and everything you had been.

I didn't want this happen, but it was destined to regardless. I could stay stuck up in my room for the rest of my existence, or I could get off my ass and do something about it.

If Bella wanted to be a bitch, then I was going to be a bastard. Maybe she would loath me enough to say how she really felt. It was all pretty simple, wasn't it?

I was her rebound when Edward left her roaming around in the woods like a horny cat. She thought she'd found the next best thing because I was always tethered to her hip, but if I could've gone back, knowing what I do now, I would have told her to go to hell.

Fuck. What am I saying? I would probably confuse and manipulate her feelings, channeling her love for Edward into an erotic sensual pleasure between us. In other words, she would be so emotionally distressed, she would beg me to hump her.

Thinking about sex made me want the vision I'd had of choking Leah and then screwing her to actually happen. I would bang her sweet cunt so hard against my wall, that I'd create a new entrance to my bedroom. My dad would be both fuming and proud of me, and I was sure Leah would thoroughly enjoy it before begging me to give her more.

Now that my dreams hadn't come true, I thought about other unique possibilities. Seth was pretty hot, maybe I'd even try a taste of Paul. I'd bet he would drive a mean—


	3. Seasons Change, I Don't

_There's a part of me that's coming undone, where tragedy cuts too deep.  
__The scars it leaves will remind me that love can be found in between the seams of life, scars, and apologies._

There was no way I could go back to being the sunshine of the world. I had turned against myself and became a hideous monster I no longer recognized, even in the mirror. I was nothing more than a sad, sadistic fucker who cared solely about his cheese balls and root beer. I was actually glad I didn't have to worry about saying something I actually meant to people who pissed me off to no end. They deserved every cruel word which spilt like venom over teeth fueled by self-hate.

The best description of _Jackoff Blackcock_ in the words of Paul Makah, were simple: I was a piece of shit who cared only about hurting other people in any way I saw fit to satisfy myself. What reason did I have left to care? Everyone kept reminding me how much they actually cared about my problems, when really, I was sure they were just afraid I might strap a bomb to my chest and blow up the entire town with them still in it.

Pointing out my flaws made me feel better on the inside. I knew the damage had already been done and was far beyond repair, but every imperfection I could list just added on to reasons why I should take my own life. I didn't feel suicidal at all, yet I wanted to die. Yeah, it didn't make sense to me either.

Everyone else had given their unwanted two cents worth of what they thought about my ridiculous behavior, but I usually just flipped them off and slammed the door in their faces. If there was anyone in the world who hated himself more than I did, I would have shot them in cold blood just for trying to compete with me. Unfortunatly, my condition was that bad.

All I wanted was to be left alone, and pretty much every thought in my mind came out exactly the same. I either possessed a burning desire to hurt someone, or kill them. It didn't matter to me who they were. There really didn't have to be a reason, I only pictured what I could do to someone who wouldn't have enough strength to fight back. And it's not like the Forks police department could stop a three hundred pound wolf from escaping custody. The thought brought a rather vivid image to my imagination.

Chief Charlie _Swampuss_ would handcuff my wrists tightly, roughly slamming my body down onto the trunk of his piece of shit cruiser. Once he thought he'd gotten a handle on the situation, he would make a pathetic attempt to throw me in the backseat, whisking me away to the police station until someone from a bigger county came to take me to prison. Of course, I would not go willingly. Laughing evilly in his face, I'd break the stainless steel cuffs that bounded my wrists together, and throw the bastard into a nearby briar bush. I would enjoy every second of his excruciating screams before phasing into a giant, flea-bitten mongrel, and running far away out of sight.

"Jacob, please, open up," Leah grumbled behind my closed door.

It was the next day, or so I had soon realized, and I was all but irritated by my interrupted fantasies as they vanished like cigarette smoke from my violent mind. Huffing in frustration, I threw myself out of bed and stomped towards the door. Holding my hand over the knob, I grasped it tightly, trying to convince myself it was better to stay in my room and not commit a felony, especially towards a woman.

"What the fuck do you want from me?" I snapped.

"I just want to talk," she said plainly. "Now let me in." Who the hell did she think she was? My dead, rotting in her grave, mother?

She jiggled the doorknob and my grasp tightened in an attempt to keep her out. My body trembled in anger as I willed her in my head to go away.

"You're being an idiot, Jacob," she groaned. "If you come out, I'll cook you dinner or something and we can talk about this."

She wanted to talk now, did she?

I yanked open the door and found a dazed Leah Clearwater staring up at me with big, brown eyes that sparkled in the dim light of the afternoon. I quickly grabbed her forearm and slung her into my room.

"Jacob! What the fuck are you doing?" she yelled as she stumbled, catching herself on my rickety old dresser.

"You want to talk? This is how we're going to talk." I forced her body to mine and kissed her full on the mouth.

"What...are...you...doing?" She tried to push me away, but I was stronger. "Jacob...stop," she mumbled underneath my lips.

"No," I grunted, pushing her down onto my bed as she kicked and slapped every part of me. I crawled on top of her, gripping both her wrists in one hand and holding them to the bed.

"Stop, Jacob, please," she begged, a tear streaming down her cheek.

I ripped her shirt off with my free hand and threw it on the floor beside me. She had no bra on, and her breasts were round and firm, taking in their sights. I groped one and pushed upward, tweaking the nipple gently as she struggled beneath my body.

"Quit moving and I won't take as long as I really want to," I scolded.

She whimpered a bit. "Why are you doing this to me?" she asked.

"I told you to leave me alone. Now I'm punishing you." I smiled darkly as I removed her shorts. She didn't fight me as I unbuttoned my own pants and crawled back to her center, still holding her to the bed. She looked at my erection and grimaced, turning her head away from me and towards the window.

"You'll love it, I promise," I whispered as I entered her.

She begun grunting with the quickness of my deep thrusts, but didn't cum for me. Finally, I spilled myself into her opening and released my hold on her body. She didn't move for about five minutes until I threw some sweatpants and an old T-shirt at her. Slowly, she got off the bed and put the hand-me-downs on, watching my figure the entire time.

Walking to the door, the expression on her face was too hard to read. I couldn't tell one emotion apart from the other, but typically, if I wasn't the one feeling it, I just didn't care. She opened my door and stepped out into the hallway silently where she nonchalantly looked back at me.

"I hope I satisfied you," she said sadly as she shrugged and walked away.


	4. I'm Chasing Something Made Of Nothing

_You left a mark.  
__I wear it proudly on my chest, above my heart.  
__My eyes are painted with regret, and without you, there's nothing left.  
__My head is in a cloud of rain, but the world just seems so far away._

I should have felt nothing when my throbbing erection ripped through Leah's tight flesh, but the truth was, I did. Why were my emotions always getting the best of me when I was supposed to want to hurt her more? Pain was my pleasure and passion. I desired it more than breathing. It was the reason I had stayed an arrogant fool who loved no one, not even Bella.

The second I looked into Leah's eyes full of shame and regret, my heart began beating in a different rhythm. It was almost like she had changed me, even just a tiny bit, and for the first time in nearly two weeks, I actually felt horrible for what I'd done. I had fucked Leah Clearwater against her will, regardless of the fact that she had taken it quietly.

I knew I was no longer just a danger to myself. The actions I believed once sought to entertain me, were now forcing me to physically pursue them. I could officially call myself a monster.

When I heard the front door shut, I immediately snapped out of my trance. Looking around the small space I claimed as a bedroom, I noticed the vile stench of raunchy sex tangled in my wrinkled sheets. Grunting, I stumbled across the room and pulled the covers off my bed, tossing them to the floor.

As rage tore threw me, I yanked the mattress off the frame and sent it flying against the wall. I backhanded a shelf full of books, knocking them onto the floor and laughed madly. I was almost one hundred percent sure I'd gone insane.

"Jacob!" my dad yelled from the living room. "Just because you're having a mid-life crisis at the moment, does not mean you're allowed to tear up my house!"

"Suck a fat one, old man!" I snapped back. He was always getting in the way of my high-on-hate fits. It was starting to become a real buzz killer.

He didn't respond and I rolled my eyes in annoyance. Making a beeline for the door, I stumbled over the mess I had made, smiling wickedly back at my path of destruction. Jerking the door open, I stepped out into the hallway and casually walked into the living room.

"I see my son for the first time in two weeks and he looks like he just got off from working at the old shit factory."

I laughed sarcastically. "I would much rather work at the gates of hell selling lemonade."

"You know, I'm actually surprised you're not there now," he said remorsefully.

"Thanks, dad. That really gives me encouragement to kill myself now." I pulled open the front door and let it hit the wall.

"You know that's not what I meant, damn it," he growled, turning his face upward to meet my stare.

I smirked. "You're not the only one who wants me gone." I paused, biting down on the inside of my lip, trying not to lose my temper again. "It's not like it isn't painfully apparent to everyone in this fucking town."

"I know you miss her, Jacob, but you have to accept things the way they are and—"

"How dare you try to tell me how to feel! You know nothing about what I'm going through, so don't act like you're trying to help me, because if I wanted therapy, I'd go see a therapist!" I snapped.

My fists were clenched into tight balls and it was literally taking every ounce of strength in my body to stop myself from hitting him. I couldn't do such a horrendous thing. Or could I?

He shook his head. "That's not what I'm trying to do, son."

I grumbled something inaudible under my breath and stomped out the door, not bothering to close it behind me. I took off running toward the Clearwater's house which didn't take very long to reach. I stopped a few feet short of their driveway, slowing my pace to an even walk.

I could feel my beating heart pounding beneath the muscles in my chest, and it wasn't just from running. Leah was typically a bitter harpy who had been cruel and annoying to me from the very beginning. Why did this seem like so much of a payback, but at the same time, a love lust? I had some kind of emotion towards the scowling girl and she had done nothing but torture me.

I took the steps up to the porch and knocked lightly on the door, almost afraid of who might answer. Slowly, someone opened it and peeked out from the shadows inside the dark house.

"Can we...talk?" I asked softly.

"Did you come to..." She made an awkward face, hinting toward the obvious. "Again?"

"No."

She took only a moment before pulling back the door far enough for me to step inside.

"We have to talk in my room. If...Seth finds out, I'm sure he'll kill you."

I nodded, letting her lead me into the back hallway. "I really should be for what I did to—"

She whipped her head around and an angry expression appeared on her dark face. "Didn't I tell you to hush?" she scolded quietly.

"Right," I whispered. "Don't wake daddy. Got it."

She shook her head, nervously walking into her room. I followed, and she shut the door, propping herself against it.

I looked around her room as if I were expecting to find something. It was too plain for a girl's room. The walls were solid white and harbored no posters of favorite bands or guys with their shirts off. It was almost disappointing, but then again, this _was_ Leah we were talking about.

"Don't judge," she said sheepishly. "I'm not that kind of girl." She folded her arms over her chest.

I inhaled a deep breath. This was a moment when I wasn't angry or upset. There was an awful knot tightening in my stomach, and it ached with an unknown want. My mind raced with uncertain thoughts, when finally my brain picked two words I never thought I'd learn to say again.

"I'm sorry."

And with those two little power words, Leah's mouth fell open.


	5. The Bitter In You, The Quitter In Me

_We won't say our goodbyes, you know it's better that way.  
__We won't break, we won't die, it's just a moment of change.  
__All we are is everything that is right.  
__All we need is a lover's alibi._

I didn't know what hurt worse: the fact that Leah was surprised I had apologized to her, or the thought of not being forgiven by the one person I actually felt guilty for hurting.

The look in which spread across her dark face was probably just her way of saying she was appalled by my audacity to come to her house in the first place, but what else could I do? I wasn't able to travel back in time and do things differently, although if I possessed such an ability, I sure as hell would.

I had somehow managed to change about a fraction of an inch after I had realize what I'd done, but I wasn't one hundred percent sure of my mental stability. I only wanted Leah to take comfort in knowing I sincerely felt terrible, rather than wondering for the rest of her existence if I did or not.

I wasn't a man; I was a rapist. What was next? Child pornography? Domestic violence? Murder?

"I can't believe you're apologizing to...me, of all people." She straighten up and folded her arms across her chest. I wasn't sure if she wanted to torture me first, or just kill me and get it over with. Women were too hard for me to read anymore, and I didn't want to even deal with it now.

"How could I not be sorry? I fucking ra—"

Leah's hot hand smacked against my mouth before I could sound out the last two letters of the word. "Shut. The. Fuck. Up," she warned, glaring into my eyes with severe disapproval.

I huffed and nodded, biting the inside of my cheek to relieve the stress of her dominance, and how much it turned me on. She took her hand away from my face, rolling her eyes childishly at me before walking back across the room. I could sense the growing tension between us now, more than ever. What had I done? I'd basically taught Leah to fear the monster inside the cage. Her lesson had been learned a little too late, but I couldn't force myself to say she deserved it.

"I don't expect you to forgive me easily," I said, trying to make conversation in the still of a too quiet afternoon.

"You shouldn't expect me to forgive you at all," she snapped, shimming down the wall and sitting on the floor. "You're extremely lucky I didn't tell Seth...or Sam what you did to me. I guarantee you wouldn't have a dick to stick in anything again."

I panted shallowly as the image of Sam and his pack holding me down and cutting off my cock flooded my mind. It was too morbid to describe, but it would have amused me had it been someone else. Of course, this was nothing less than what I truly deserved. I didn't blame Leah for hating me with every ounce she could muster, but I didn't understand why she didn't just feed me to the dogs when she had the chance. There was nothing I could do but realize my mistake and accept that I had to get over it, with or without her forgiveness.

I was quite for a long moment, thinking about what I should say next. I knew words wouldn't really help the situation, much less change anything, but as of the moment, I needed some kind of guidance as to where my pathetic life was going.

I hung my head in shame and sat down gently on her bed. The room began to feel as if it were closing in on me, but I didn't want Leah to see this rare opportunity as a weakness to bring me lower. With her cocky attitude and a heart as cold as mine, she wouldn't mind seizing the moment just to make herself smile a little inside.

"I guess I can say I'm sorry a thousand times, but it won't mean anything to you. I..." and I paused before continuing, carefully choosing my words, "Hurt you and I can't take that back..._ever_."

"Yeah, you did," she mumbled. "And it might take some time, but I'm sure I can find it somewhere in my cold, black heart to forgive you...someday, of course." She wrinkled a smile which immediately dropped into a frown. "I'm more broken than you can ever fathom. By doing that to me, you made me feel like the most worthless person on the face of this miserable fucking planet than I ever felt with Sam." She let out a small laugh, but it wasn't a sign of happiness. I could see tears welling in her brown eyes, and a tiny part of me wanted to stop her from crying. "Sometimes I feel like I was only put here for men like you to fuck, and you just don't know how—"

Crossing the room in less than three quick seconds, I fell to my knees and pulled her into my strong arms, holding her tightly to me. To my surprise, she didn't push me away, and instead, clung to me as she sobbed onto my T-shirt. I ran my fingers down her back in comfort, letting her cool tears soak the fabric on my chest as I rocked her back and forth.

"It's okay, Leah." I felt my own tears forming, and it took everything I had to hold them back. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." As my voice cracked, I pushed my face into her neck, breathing in the scent of her soft, tangled hair. The sweet smell hit me like a mac truck doing ninety. I closed my eyes, taking in her fragrance once again. She was dowsed so naturally in scents of mango, strawberries, and clean linen. It was unlike any woman I had ever been around before, including Bella.

Leah sniffled a bit and slightly tilted her head upward to see my face. "Jacob? What...are you...doing?"

I pulled back. Everything about her was just too much for me to handle at once. "Nothing," I said as I released her, moving away.

"Were you just _smelling_ me?" she question with a puzzled look on her face.

"No," I stated firmly, getting off my knees and standing. I looked around the room, trying to avoid her gaze, but her hand found my face, forcing it to turn to her own.

"You're not thinking of..."

"No!" I exclaimed, smacking her hand away from my chin.

She bit back a whimper and cupped her hand with the other, gently rubbing the spot I had hit. "I think you should go," she stated firmly.

"Yeah, it's getting pretty late." I stepped past her, but she caught my arm and took me back. I drew in a deep breath, waiting for the worst from her. She could do a lot of damage if she wanted. I was sure she knew that.

Two seconds passed and as soon as blinked, she kissed my mouth. I was stood frozen, but allowed my lips to crush against hers.


	6. It Hurts Me To Say It Hurts Me To Stay

_I'm still trying to figure out how to tell you I was wrong.  
__I can't feel the emptiness inside since you've been gone.  
__Is it you, or is it me?  
__I know I did things I didn't mean, but you should know me by now.  
__This is the reason we'll never know how to keep each other from here on out.  
__If life is a puzzle, you are my piece.  
__I am the lock, and you are the key._

My stomach filled with a gut-wrenching pain as her lips left my skin. For this one moment, I was another person. I felt like a man who had loved with his heart instead of his dick, and was adored by one woman who wanted him back just as badly, if it was even possible.

I didn't understand where all of this was coming from, though. Something terrible had possessed my very being once Bella clearly stated she _did not_ want to be with me in that way. My heart had been crushed, dumped in a tub of acid, chewed on by angry wildebeests and thrown into her father, Charlie's, fireplace where it burned to keep him warm.

I was heartless, or at least that was how I felt, so what else needed to be said? I thought this would keep me numb forever, and I was fine with that, but what was pain if you had no one to share it with? I knew only one person who could have possibly known what I was feeling. Leah had been in a slightly worse situation than I had, and I almost felt guilty for complaining about my problems when hers had been far more severe.

Sam Uley, the prime and prim of all things in charge, had ripped out her heart in mid-beat and laughed heinously as he ran away, taunting her with it. I remember how Leah's personality morphed into a cold, bitter, and soulless banshee overnight. Now, two years later, she was kissing me out of her own free will? It didn't seem to make sense. The logical part I concluded was her accumulated loneliness, but the extent she'd taken this to was far beyond any reason I could confect.

My confusion bled over as the room stopped spinning and my body finally found stability not to stumble. I stood like a statue, almost waiting for some sort of fallout between us. When it didn't happen, I was disappointed and relieved at the same time. It was what I expected, but not what I'd wanted.

Leah was bringing out the better person that was covered under layers of hate. She was like a special brand of medicine unknown to any pharmacy, in which slowly healed the damaged pieces of my broken self. No matter how long it took, she would always be a lifetime supply of what I needed to fix myself.

Maybe in some small way I was her prescription too. If we helped to rid each other of our pasts which molded us into what we were today, we could find something special that had never been there before. What did I really have left to lose?

"Jacob?" Leah asked, pushing back the cloud of fog which sank into my mind.

"Leah," I acknowledged, attempting to regain my thoughts.

"Are you...okay? I mean...you look like you're about to pass out or something." She waved her hand slowly in front of my face and I followed it with my eyes.

"No, I...I just feel...different." I wouldn't admit I was slightly confused.

"Different?" She made a curious face, her eye brows turning down as a couple of lines creased over on her soft tan forehead.

"Why did you kiss me?" I wanted to know.

She bit down on the edge of her lip. "I don't...I'm not sure. I guess I was just trying to...tell you...I'm here if you ever need me, or anything." She gazed into my eyes and I turned up a crooked smile.

"Thank...you...I think," I grumbled softly.

I was torn between the two places in my mind of what I defined as the right thing to say, and what I wanted to say. It was really just the whole selfish thing destined to take me over again, but now, I had control over it. Perhaps this was what I needed to let go of hard feelings and regain my grip on reality.

"You don't have to say anything. I know what you're going through and I wish I would have had someone there for me when _it_ happened to me."

I knew exactly what she meant by _it_.

When Sam had imprinted on her cousin, Emily at the time, little did Leah know his choice wasn't really a choice at all. Now that she knew about what had really happened, it made things easier, but seemingly harder at the same time. She was destined to get revenge on Sam, regardless of the situation, and because I was pretty much helpless in doing anything too terribly harsh to Bella, I would have helped Leah execute her plan.

"Yeah?" I tried to smile, but it probably looked more like a smirk. "I really appreciate it."

She nodded. "I know you do."

Walking past me, she grabbed the knob and opened the door as something heavy thudded onto the floor. Glancing back, she quickly flashed me a perplexed look as she pulled back the door and saw her brother, Seth, on the floor, looking up at us.

"What the hell, Seth? How long have you been eavesdropping on us?" Leah angrily demanded.

He gathered himself off the floor and stepped into her room, walking straight up to me. My chest and his were barely at the same level, but he was close enough to for me to feel uncomfortable. "You raped my sister?" he whispered irritatedly.

I think I stopped breathing after that because I couldn't answer him.


	7. For The Fear Of Seth

_For the first time you can open your eyes and see the world without your sorrow when no one knows the pain you left behind.  
__All the peace you can never find is waiting there to keep you from the rest of your life, but you'd see it if you just opened up your eyes._

Leah's face turned extremely pale and her eyes glazed over with fear. "Seth?"

"What did he do to you, Leah?" Seth's stare was locked on me the entire time and he didn't even flinch. This led me to believe I was probably going to end up fighting with him before I had a chance to leave. I would have no choice but to allow him to win, though. I couldn't find it in me hurt Leah's little brother. He was too young and I was much too strong for my own good. No force would be able to stop me from lashing out and doing some serious damage to the kid, which was the last thing I wanted.

Leah huffed and stared down at her brother. Fury engulfed her muscles, causing them to twitch with a warning I knew well. My eyes shifted back to Seth whose body was tense with an immediate rush of adrenaline fueling his sickened disgust for all things Jacob Black.

"Nothing, Seth. _Nothing_ happened. Now get the hell out of my room!" Leah demanded, pointing her finger toward the open door.

Although her voice was too shaky and high-pitched to be her normal tone of enrage, I knew it caused her a great deal of pain to scream at Seth the way she did. She loved him like she was his mother and was extremely overprotective when it came to anything concerning his well-being.

Seth shook his head in disapproval. I could tell he wasn't buying Leah's bullshit story. "Why, Jake? Why would you do this to her?" Tears began forming in his eyes and the look on his once bright face was heartbreaking.

I could feel something strong building inside of me. I wasn't sure if it was my urge to strangle Seth, or just run away from the situation because I'd already caused enough problems for Leah. Either way, I had to make a decision, and both of them would be more difficult than they had ever been before.

"It's not your job to interrogate him," Leah remarked.

"You can't honestly say you're okay with what he did to you."

Leah snarled. "Just shut up. You don't know anything about what happened. It's none of your damn business anyway!"

Seth snapped his neck around quickly to meet his sister's glare. "It _is_ my business!" Seth growled. "And I can't believe you're going to let him get away with this!"

Leah grabbed her brother's arm and pulled him away from me. I wanted to move, but my shoes felt like they were full of dried concrete. As hard as I tried, I could not make my feet move. My body was frozen and the feeling scared me. Sure, Seth could do some damage if he tried to attack me, but I was sure I would fatally wound him with my current state of mind. I didn't want that. I'd already hurt enough people in the last three weeks and I really didn't want to put another name on the list.

"He's not getting away with anything! Let me handle this _my_ way."

Seth struggled with his sister, fighting with her to let go of him. "I want to teach him not to mess with you anymore. You can't keep letting people walk all over you like a freaking carpet!" he whined.

"I know you're my brother, but you are not my protector. I am very capable of doing just as much damage to Jacob, maybe even more."

Seth smiled smugly. "I like the sound of the more part." They both laughed.

In my head, I commanded my feet to move. I wasn't exactly angry, I just wanted to leave before things got ugly. It was an awkward feeling to possess, but more than likely, wouldn't last long. If anything, it warned me of the possibility of unlocking something maleficent.

"Are you just going to stand there?" Leah growled at me as her grip on her brother's arm tightened.

"Come on, Leah, just one swing? Please?" Seth groaned with a weak attempt to pull away from Leah's grasp.

"No," Leah said firmly. "And I'm not going to let you go until Jacob leaves."

"Fine. Then I'll just kick his ass in front of Billy then." Seth's smile widened and I shifted my eyes away, toward the floor.

I inhaled a deep, wispy breath before I finally found enough strength to move. "Do what you want. I'll take whatever punishment you think is fair."

I walked around Seth and Leah, feeling the tension in the room rising to new levels. As hard as I was trying, I couldn't make my feet move any faster, and I knew this irritated Leah to no end.

"Yeah, I'll see you later, Jake. I hope you'll be ready!" Seth called out when I had eventually reached the living room.

The voices inside my head were coming back to me louder than before. They were telling me to turn around and shut the kid up by either snapping his neck, breaking his jaw, ripping out his vocal chords, or performing several other demonic acts of evil. My head spun into a kaleidoscope of reckless decisions.

As my hand gripped the doorknob, two pairs of footsteps shuffled through the hallway, bringing a dissonant noise to my eardrum. I turned around to see two blurred figures approaching me quickly, but before I had a chance to blink, the shorter one swung his fist back and shocked me straight in the face with every ounce of force in his body.

I fell back, crashing into the door and falling to the floor. Warm liquid oozed from my nose and ran like a river straight into my mouth. The taste brought me out of a state of illusion and Seth's face came into view.

"Oh man, I'm sorry. Did I do that?" Seth leaned over and smeared the blood across my lips with his fingers, rubbing it between his thumb and index finger in front of me. "Now that I think about it, I'm not."

He jerked me onto my feet by the collar of my shirt and held me against the door. I looked down at him with a deep apology in my eyes, not even wanting to fight back. All the desire I'd had before had left me and the only person I could blame for that was myself.

"Seth, stop, please?" Leah pleaded, cowering behind the wall separating the living room and kitchen.

"No!" Seth's hand drew back, hitting me forcefully in the jaw.

"Fuck!" I cried out in agony, turning away and holding the side of my face as it stung with ungodly pain.

"Fight back, motherfucker!" Seth yelled, taunting me.

"No," I mumbled, steadying myself on two feet before I turned, attempting to leave.

"Stop, Seth. Stop!" Leah ran over, jumping on her brother's back just as he lunged toward me. She knocked him to the floor and held him down. "Go, Jacob! Get the hell out of here!"

I grabbed the knob and slung the door open, fleeing the Clearwater's home as Seth's distant screams echoed in the background of a fading twilight.


	8. I'm A Slave To My Anger

_It hurts to be alone in this cell I call my home, but it heals me in my mind without you by my side.  
__I fought this all the way and now I know it was no mistake, but it's all gone.  
__I left without a plan because I knew you wouldn't understand.  
__It all built up to this day and made it too hard along the way.  
__I felt so full of doubt and the thought of running out killed me.  
__But I kept this close to home because I love being all alone._

I had chosen an option that left Seth unharmed, and I knew I would thank myself later for deciding to go with the right choice over the wrong one. Although my alter ego was flaring an ugly temper, practically begging me to turn around and pulverize the kid, I ignored my offensive thoughts and proceeded home.

When I stumbled onto the rickety porch, I grabbed the doorknob and let myself in. My cheeks ran red with crimson blush as I saw two very unlikely people standing in my living room with a look I hoped to soon smack off their welcoming little faces.

Sam Uley and Bella Swan were the last two people I wanted to see, or even think about right now, and yet, they had the audacity to show up at a time like this. I squinted, flashing a look of discerning disapproval in their direction and walked past them into the kitchen. I was hoping Sam wouldn't want to talk about something he considered important, or Bella, to blabber on about how badly she wanted to become a vampire just like her boyfriend.

"Wait just a damn minute, Jacob," Sam said in his high, _I own your ass_ Alpha's voice.

"Yes, master?" I grumbled in annoyance as I turned around to look at him.

"Bella has something she would like to speak with you about."

"I thought the bitch wasn't going to show her face around here anymore?" I looked directly at Bella when I said it, too. It felt good to release some of the pent-up anger that was intended for her in the first place.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Sam snapped, taking a step forward toward me.

Bella jumped in front of him, barely acting as an orange construction cone to his large frame. "No, it's okay." She placed her hand into the air to stop an invisible force known as Sam's rage before she looked at me again. "Jake, I really just wanted to invite you to the wedding...in person." She pulled out an envelope from her back pocket and handed it to me with a hopeful smile pulling at her lips. It was folded in half and pretty much ruined by the creases and crinkles from her carelessness. You could always leave it to Bella Swan to fuck up something that would have taken a normal human hours to perfect, regardless of whether it was done in mere seconds by the freaks known only as the Cullens.

I snatched the invitation from her, ripped it open and begun mumbling the words on the pages. "Cordially invited...wedding of...Bella...Edward...Cullen...August 13th." I looked up. "That's next week."

She sighed, but smiled softly. "Yeah...it is."

I frowned. "Why are you in such a rush?"

"I...just want to start living my..._new_ life."

I scoffed in disgust. "No, thank you." I tore the invitation in half, put the two halves together and then ripped it again.

"Jacob, what...are you doing?" she asked innocently, watching me as I destroyed her pretty little Save The Date.

"Get the hell out of my house." I flung the shredded paper in her face and watched it fly in all directions around her like snowflakes from a gray sky.

Sam's face blistered red. "What is your problem?"

"Right now," I growled. "You're my problem." I stepped up to him and stared deeply into his eyes, willing all the hate in the world to be thrust upon him in that one spare moment.

Bella's expression soured over with confusion as she placed herself between us. "This is worse than you and Edward fighting. Please, Jake."

I exchanged glances with her. "Please what, Bella? Please give up your happiness to satisfy my need for a friend? Or please, Jacob, let me borrow your heart so I can crush it until I've nearly killed you? Which is it? Or is it both?"

Bella's jaw dropped and a few teardrops bled out from her dark brown eyes and onto her cheeks. "Is that what you really think I was trying to do this whole time?"

"It's not what you were trying to do, Bella, it's what you did." I grimaced, pushing passed her and into the hallway where I retreated to my bedroom. Slamming the door shut behind me, I shook the whole house with my bottled anger.

Hearing Bella and Sam mumble to one another was annoying for a few seconds as I ransacked my drawers for some kind of relief to my hinderance. Finally, after clearing my dresser of T-shirts and briefs, I found a box of razor blades I'd stolen from Newton's Olympic Outfitters a couple of weeks ago on a run to the store for my dad.

Taking a clean blade from the box, I held close to my face in examination. Smiling sheepishly, I held out my arm and made the first slice across a bulging vein, baring down with forceful pressure to fuel my needs. As the blood began to ooze from the cut, I thought about how perfect my life would be if I were only human.


	9. I May Be Dumb, But I'm Not Stupid

_What if you wasted love and our love in time disappeared, and the sad song ends up being the last song you'll ever hear?_

The next morning I woke to the sound of my heart throbbing painfully in my ears. After having passed out from the pressure of stress baring down on my wrists, I fell into a dreamless sleep where I almost felt as dead as I was alive.

For a moment, the sunlight intruding through the window almost seemed a little too out of place, but as I got up off the floor and peeked through the dirty glass, I realized it was actually a nice day outside. I sighed sadly and made my way to the tiny closet on the opposite side of the room where I rambled through a space full of disaster, trying to find something decently clean to put on. Without much luck, I picked up a pair of sweatpants and a shirt that smelled like grease, quickly throwing them on without complaint.

Before leaving the prison cell that could be known only as my room, I disposed of the bloody razor blade in an old sock, stuffing it behind my dresser and placing the box back in the drawer. I left my bedroom and made my way through the hallway and into the kitchen where my dad was drinking his morning cup of Joe.

"Good morning, Jacob," he said, acknowledging my presence as he drew in a hearty sip of the disgusting black drug filtered with caffeine for taste.

"Good morning, old man," I grumbled as I yanked the refrigerator door open, snatched a gallon of milk off the top rack, and sucked it down.

"Easy there, son. That's all the milk we...never mind."

I finished off the last few gulps and chucked the jug into the trash which was already overflowing with his half-eaten frozen dinner entrees. Laughing lowly to myself, I crushed the milk container down on top of all the other trash and washed my hands off in the sink.

"Sorry, but I'm a growing boy who needs his calcium." I conjured up a smile before drying my hands on a dishtowel and tossing it back onto the pile of dishes in the drainer.

My dad shifted his eyes toward me just as he finished off the last bit of his coffee. "You seem to be in a better mood today."

I inhaled deeply and then nodded. "Yeah, I am." I grabbed a loaf of bread off the shelf and grabbed two pieces, shoving them into my mouth.

"If there's anything you need, Jacob, you know all you have to do is ask me." He took hold of the wheels on his chair and removed himself from the table. "I don't like seeing you like this, and last night, well, that was pretty wrong of me to allow Sam to bring Bella into this house with the way you've been feeling lately."

I stuffed the last few bites of the bread into my mouth and begun chewing, forcing it down so I could speak again. "You're apologizing? Shouldn't that be my job since I've been acting like a five year old ever since I found out I couldn't have something that was never really mine in the first place?"

"You were always so stubborn, just like your mother." I started biting the inside of my cheek as my dad rolled himself into the living room, parking his wheelchair in his usual spot in front of the TV. "Do you remember her at all, Jacob?"

"Would you hate me if I said I didn't?" I sat down on the couch and faced him, feeling my mood change to something more reminiscent.

"No, I suppose I wouldn't."

I looked deep into my dad's eyes for the first time in a long while. They were full of shame, desire, and love. He had tried to be both a mother and a father as best as he could since the accident, but in all reality, I took care of him through most of my teenage life.

"I know I'm a disappointment, dad," I said directly. "There's no need to deny it."

"How could you even think...Jacob, you're all I have. Rebecca and Rachel even abandoned us because they couldn't handle Sarah's death." He looked down at his lap before wiping away tears running down his cheeks.

"That happened a long time ago, and..." Before I could finish, there was faint knock on the door. My dad almost looked relieved with the sudden interruption, and if he was happy, I guess I was too. Bolting up from the couch, I walked over slowly to the door and cracked it a bit, peeking outside to see who it was.

"Jacob, please," Leah panted with sparks of interest in her eyes.

My brows furrowed. "What's wrong?"

"You've got to get the hell out of La Push. They're...they're coming after you."

I let the door swing open freely and placed my hand on her shoulder. "Slow down, Leah. Who's coming after me?"

"Seth told Sam...what you...did."

My eyes widened and my heart sped up to an irregular pace. "What does this mean, exactly?"

"I'm not sure what they plan to do, but they're going to make you..._pay_."

I snorted and fled to my bedroom. Leah followed behind me.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"Getting the hell out of here. What do you think I'm doing?"

"You're just going to leave? Just like that?"

"Are you coming with me or not?"

"Come _with_ you?"

"Well? The question is pretty damn simple."

Her mouth hung open, but finally she gave an answer I wasn't expecting. "Yes."


End file.
